Pre-Marital Sex, Extreme Violence, and Over-Misogyny is OK, But Smoking is BAD

9 08 2010

"I need to prove I'm a tough guy villain by holding a gun to this baby's head! It's not like I have an evil look on my face all the time..."

Another day, another Marvel rant. Surprised? Before I start I just want to say that this post is not for the closed-minded and the Marvel Zombies. You’ve been warned.

So I’m sure most of us comic fans know about the initiative where Joe Quesada (Editor-In-Chief of Marvel Comics) wouldn’t allow characters to smoke in Marvel Comics because someone he knew died of lung cancer. While that’s nice and all, I’m here to tell you all that there are many far, far worse things than smoking within the comic books at Marvel. Those things are:

  • Pre-Marital Sex
  • Extreme Violence
  • Over-Misogyny

You know what all of these things have in common? They’ve been appearing throughout many of Marvel’s comics. Don’t believe me? Please bear with me as I provide this list of evidence (this is going to be a long one, folks):

I will be providing where the evidence comes from and who wrote the book.

Extreme violence AND over-misogyny:

I find it funny how smoking is a no-no, but extreme violence and misogyny is A-OK. It’s quite ridiculous. The evidence for misogyny will be bolded.

– Ultimate Red Skull holding a GUN to a BABY’S HEAD, then later THROWING said baby OUT OF A WINDOW, with a nice little blood splat on the next page (Ultimate Avengers#5- Mark Millar)

– A nurse REPEATEDLY STABS her husband to death with a pair of SCISSORS, with blood flying in the panel (Ultimate Avengers#5- Mark Millar)

A ticked off S.H.E.I.L.D. agent shoots a skrull lady in the head, killing her (New Avengers#48- Brian Michael Bendis)

– The tip of a plane going STRAIGHT THROUGH Ultimate Red Skull’s chest, again, with blood flying (Ultimate Avengers#6- Mark Millar)

– 8 pages, count ’em, of Ultimate Punisher SHOOTING people left and right with little to no dialogue (Ultimate Avengers 2#1- Mark Millar)

Nick Fury shoots a Skrull lady in the head (Mighty Avengers#12)

– Venom eats somebody/something/anything (WAY TOO MANY INSTANCES TO COUNT)

The Sentry RIPS OFF Morganna Le Fay’s HEAD OFF (Dark Avengers#2- Brian Michael Bendis)

Words can't express the disgust I feel while looking at this panel... and people thought that this was a good and fun book?!? Give me a break...

– Bullseye shoots numerous arrows into Morganna Le Fay, with his team congratulating him (Dark Avengers#3- Brian Michael Bendis)

The Hood beats/rapes Tigra TWO TIMES while Jigsaw films the first time (New Avengers#35 and New Avengers Annual#2)

From New Avengers#35. Can you believe that crap like this sells? Unbelieveable.

– Wolverine chops up a guy in half, rips another guy apart, Hulk gang member eats half of an arm, Wolverine sticks his claws THROUGH a Hulk Gang member’s face/head, a few Hulk Gang members have sex with a bunch of girls INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS (not joking, sadly), explosion kills and decapitates several Hulk Gang members, Wolverine slices his way through several Hulk Gang members, Wolverine slices off evil She-Hulk’s head off, Wolverine disembowels a cow, Wolverine stabs through old, evil Bruce Banner then Banner turns into Hulk and eats Wolverine, then Wolverine CUTS OPEN Bruce and escapes. (Giant-Size Wolverine: Old Man Logan- Mark Millar)

– WARNING! WARNING! CAN’T COMPUTE THE VIOLENT SCENCES IN OLD MAN LOGAN! TOO MUCH DATA! GOING TO EXPLODE! WARNING! PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING! (spx: BOOM!) Ok, it’s all over. Nothing to see here folks! Please go about your daily lives.

Ultimate Blob eats Ultimate Wasp, then Ultimate Yellowjacket bites off Ultimate Blob’s head and spits it out (Ultimatum#2 and Ultimatum#3- Jeph Loeb)

Hawkeye, oops sorry, RONIN shoots an arrow through the Skrull Queen’s mouth. Then Norman Osborn shoots the Skrull Queen’s head off (Secret Invasion#7 and Secret Invasion#8- Brian Michael Bendis)

– The Lizard eats his own son (some terrible issue of Amazing Spider-Man- Zeb Wells)

Spider-Man RIPS OFF half of Sasha Kravinoff’s face (some terrible issue of Amazing Spider-Man- Joe Kelly)

– The Sentry rips open Ares with Ares’ entrails spilling out (Siege#2- Brian Michael Bendis)

– The Wasp mysteriously turns into a bunch of purple dots and disappears, assumed dead (Secret Invasion#8- Brian Michael Bendis)

Bendis LOVES The Wasp! Can't you tell?

 – Bullseye chokes the life out of the Sentry’s wife (Dark Avengers#15- Brian Michael Bendis)

This is one of the MOST SICKENING panels I've ever seen in my entire life.

– WARNING! WARNING! CAN’T COMPUTE VIOLENCE IN ULTIMATE AVENGERS#2! OH NO, I THINK I’M GOING TO BLOW UP AGAIN! I CAN’T HOLD IT MUCH LONGER!!! (spx: KA-BOOM!!!) *sigh* It’s all right guys… I’ll make sure this never happens again- oh who am I kidding? As long as Mark Millar lives this will keep happening! Sorry about the mess…

Pre-Marital Sex:

This is the one that gets me. As a Christian I believe that pre-marital sex is wrong. So when I see characters, especially the ones I love, running around with their pants down it angers me to a point where words can’t describe how angry I get. Plus it just fuels the fanboy power-fantasy where women are simply there to be objectified, which pisses me off even more.

– Peter Parker gets drunk and has a one-night stand with his ex-roomates sister (Amazing Spider-Man#601- Mark Waid)

– Moonstone persuades Marvel Boy, whoops, Captain Marvel- oh I’m sorry, he’s called Protector now isn’t he? Anyway Moonstone persuades Protector into her room where they bang each other (Dark Avengers#5- Brian Micheal Bendis)

– Moonstone takes off her shirt in front of Bullseye, in which it is hinted at that Bullseye quickly followed suit and banged each other (Dark Avengers#10- Brian Michael Bendis)

– Ultimate Nick Fury is shown to have slept with a numerous amount of the new Ultimate Black Widow’s friends in a flashback (Ultimate Avengers 2#4- Mark Millar)

– Sins Past. ‘Nuff Said (Amazing Spider-Man#514- J. Michael Straczynski with a huge amount of Joe Quesada’s stink mixed in)

– Ultimate Valkyrie sleeps with Ultimate Hank Pym (The Ultimates 2#6- Mark Millar)

– Ultimate Iron Man sleeps with Ultimate Black Widow on a videotape (The Ultimates 3#1- Jeph Loeb)

– Ultimate Valkyrie sleeps with Ultimate Thor (The Ultimates 3#2- Jeph Loeb)

– Ultimate Wolverine sleeps with Magneto’s wife (The Ultimates 3#3- Jeph Loeb)

– Ultimate Pyro and Mastermind are tempted to rape an unconscious Ultimate Valkyrie (The Ultimates 3#4- Jeph Loeb)

I could've gone without that, but ok... that's just... yuck...

– Ultimate Hulk Annual#1 (don’t even want to go into what happened in this…- Jeph Loeb)

– Spider-Man/Peter Parker sleeps with Black Cat (Amazing Spider-Man#607 and Amazing Spider-Man#622- Joe Kelly and Fred Van Lente)- I almost had an aneurysm reading these issues, in fact I remember throwing #622 on the floor…

 I don’t know about you, but these problems are worse than smoking. Whatever Joe Quesada wants he gets, right? He thought there were too many mutants, so what happens? No more mutants, except the popular ones. He hated the Peter Parker/MJ marriage and what happens? No more marriage. *Insert fanboy voice here* “But Jim Shooter wanted to have Peter marry MJ and wanted Jean Grey face the consequences of her actions and die in Dark Phoenix Saga!” *Throw away fanboy voice here* That’s true, but he felt those story decisions would strengthen the stories. He didn’t do those decsions just because of personal preferences and look, Dark Phoenix Saga is considered (and is my personal favorite X-Men story) to be the best X-Men story.

If Joe Quesada makes his editorial descions based on his on his personal life that’s fine, but he should be more concerned about what would be beneficial to the story, not just about how he personally feels. What do the fans want? That’s another thing that needs to be considered. I hope Marvel starts to get their stuff together soon. They’re slipping from me very fast. I’ve said my two cents about the current Spider-Man status quo, so I’m not going to re-visit that. I know I’m picking on Marvel here. DC is guilty of a lot of violence in their comics, but they’ve kept pre-marital sex and misogyny to a minimum.

So ends my rant about the ridiculousness that is the fact that pre-marital sex, extreme violence, and over-misogyny is not as bad as smoking. Apparently you can have Ultimate Red Skull pretty much kill everyone he sees, but you can’t have him smoke! Let me know what you guys think about this topic by leaving a comment below! Thanks in advance!

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Amazing Spider-Man#638 REVIEW (One Moment In Time I’d Certainly Like to Forget)

21 07 2010

This is how I felt after reading ASM#638

SPOILERS AHEAD! CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK! PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR MY ANGER AND POSSIBLE SWEARING. I WILL DO MY BEST TO KEEP THIS AT A FAMILY LEVEL REVIEW. I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS WILL TURN OUT…   

Amazing Spider-Man#638    

One Moment In Time- Part One (of Four)   

Written by: a room full of monkeys Joe Quesada   

Drawn by: Paolo Rivera and Joe Quesada   

Publisher: Marvel Comics   

Price: $3.99 and a piece of your love for Spider-Man   

 Where do I start with this? As much as I’d like to cut the bullcrap I can’t. There is just so much on top of the big thing that’s irritating me, I just can’t ignore it. This story is essentially the sequel to One More Day. The story where Peter Parker and MJ sacrifice their marriage to save Aunt May’s life. Here click this so I don’t have to torture myself and relive the horror of OMD. Anyway this second chapter explains how Peter and MJ aren’t married anymore. Throughout the issue bits and pieces of Amazing Spider-Man Annual#21 are literally CUT AND PASTED into this issue with little bits of what happened to cause the events of Peter and MJ not being married anymore. My first question is: Are the creators of that annual getting royalties because the annual is literally HALF of the comic. They’re probably not. If someone can prove me wrong I’d love that. The scenes that are taken from the annual are missing the best parts of the annual and all the emotional character moments. Also the switch between the annual, to Peter and MJ talking in regular continuity, and the scenes that happen after the scenes in the annual was way too jarring. They were all three different art styles and neither of them had any cohesion with one another.   

 Also Quesada tries to be like Bendis. He tries to mimic his style of dialogue and the jokes that fall flat on their butt. Come on, just get your own style of writing. Don’t try to mimic someone else’s style. Especially if it’s not even good. So here is what pissed me off and many others. In the original annual Spidey and Electro and his goons fight and they all get captured, etc. But in here one of the criminals escapes out of a police car (all of the six police officers aren’t even PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO HIM, by the way). Spidey and that same criminal meet up the day before Peter and MJ are supposed to be married. Towards the end of the confrontation the criminal slips and Spidey goes to save him. Spidey grabs him but is unable to snag a balcony with his webbing for some reason (I thought his webbing could go very far as seen in, oh, just about every Spider-Man comic. Maybe it’s a new thing… or maybe it’s just lazy storytelling). Both of them begin to fall to the ground. Spidey braces the fall for the criminal. Both hit the ground and go unconscious. And THAT my friends is why Spider-Man missed his wedding with MJ. 

Don’t worry, I had to do a double-take to see if this was still real life as well.   

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! ARE YOU %$@#^&! KIDDING ME?!?!?!? Spider-Man misses his wedding because some fat guy lands on top of him and he’s unconscious FOR HOURS?!? Spider-Man has taken down the X-Men BY HIMSELF. He’s beaten Firelord. He’s taken down Hulk and Juggernaut. He held up a huge piece of machinery ABOVE HIS HEAD. But he can’t handle being pinned down by a unconscious fat guy? That right there is the epitome of LAZY STORYTELLING. I understand that Quesada is a busy guy. He runs Marvel Comics and I understand that. But, hey, if you’re too busy to come up with something original then find a different writer who actually gives a damn.  

I love Spider-Man. He’s why I got into reading comics in the first place. Ultimate Spider-Man got me back into comics years later. I have met many people who tell similar stories of how Spider-Man got them into comics. To see what Marvel is doing to my favorite character just SICKENS ME. 

   I’m serious when I say that this is an insult to every true fan of Spider-Man. I know this issue of ASM has a lot of people hurting and screaming. I’m one of those people. But guys this is the time to just say, “No.” We need to let them know that we’re hurting and that we don’t like what they’re doing to our favorite characters. Don’t give me the lame excuse, “Oh well, I’m just gonna buy it until it gets better.” Folks the reality is that the only way this is going to stop is if we stop buying Marvel’s garbage.  

This has pushed me beyond the breaking point. This is the final straw for me. I’m telling you right now: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF MARVEL RAPING THE CHARACTERS I GREW UP WITH IN ORDER TO TELL THEIR CRAPPY “BLOCKBUSTER” STORIES. I can’t go any further. I really can’t. I’m SICK and TIRED of this. When can I have my Spider-Man back? Why can’t we put creators who actually care for the characters on the books? Marvel I am seriously disappointed in you, but I know you don’t care because you have me by the b***s and have my money. I’d like to mention the few good books Marvel has just to make you Marvel Zombies out there happy, but too bad. Marvel has shown us time and time again how they care for their fans and to me it’s quite disgusting. Please guys, complain. I usually don’t like complainers and I know people are sick and tired of them, but this is something that isn’t sitting well with me at all. This issue of ASM is by far one of the worst, if not THE WORST, thing(s) I have READ ALL YEAR. I know it’s “just comics”, but does it have to be SO PAINFUL? This story NEEDS to be avoided. I’m embarrassed that this passes as a Spider-Man comic. This is a joke to the industry. So am I going to keep reading this story? Read: maybe. Buy: heck no.     

My dad tells me the story of how he stopped buying Marvel Comics because of stuff that is similar to what’s going on right now. To those who think everything is doing alright with Spider-Man: Get your head out of the water,  and clean your ears, brains, and glasses. Things have to change. This is ridiculous and I can’t take it anymore. Am I going to completely give up on Marvel even though I constantly sing praises for Invincible Iron Man, Atlas, and Shield? I guess I’ll have to sleep on that. I probably won’t stop buying IIM until Fraction leaves the book. I love it too much.    

THINGS. HAVE. GOT. TO. CHANGE.    

Rating: F-





My Two Cents: Old Man Logan 2, Ultimate Thor, and the end of Brand New Day

11 07 2010

All of the following topics I’m about to ramble about were found at Bleedingcool.com. The links to these articles can be found if you click here, here, and here.

Old Man Logan. What can you say about it? Well, it was a top-selling book by Mark Millar and Steve McNiven and was also nominated for an Eisner award. It must be good right? I read it several months ago and was disappointed. Actually saying it was a disappointment is me being nice. I could go through everything that I didn’t like about the story (which was pretty much the whole thing), but that would take too long and frankly I’m sick of talking about Old Man Logan.

So now I’m sure you can imagine what I felt when Joe Quesada (Marvel’s Editor-In-Cheif for those who don’t know) pretty much gave Millar the green light to write Old Man Logan 2. All that Old Man Logan consisted of was never-ending mindless violence, misogyny, lazy story-telling and editing, boring art, and a story you can read in the time it takes to walk your dog. This is why the industry hasn’t jumped forward much. Let’s face it. The countless movies haven’t done much to increase the books sales by a huge amount, or at least for a lasting amount of time. I don’t want every comic book to be something that I could’ve written with a 12-year old kid or something that reads like a daydream somebody had. If you like this kind of stuff then by all means continue to enjoy it. I will never belittle anyone just because they liked something I didn’t like. In fact I know some people who liked Old Man Logan.

Let us move on to more happier topics:

Evidently at the upcoming San Diego Comic Con, writer Jonathan Hickman and artist Carlos Pacheco will be announcing a project for the Ultimate Marvel line that’s scheduled to come out in October. That book is Ultimate Thor. I have never met a Jonathan Hickman book I haven’t liked (i.e. Nightly News, Red Mass for Mars, Shield, Fantastic Four, and Secret Warriors). I am excited for this, but if it’s $3.99 for 22 pages of art chances are I won’t buy it and will wait for it at a used bookstore. Hopefully Carlos Pacheco can draw the art on par with the art in Avengers Forever.

Just one queston to throw out there: Where is Red Mass for Mars#4 Mr. Hickman?

Onto the final topic:

After 101 issues after One More Day, Brand New Day will be ending. I thought BND ended when the logo for it came off of the Amazing Spider-Man issues, but whatever. It will also end it’s 3+ times a month schedule and it has been reported that Dan Slott will take over as the main writer of the book, which I would approve of in a heartbeat. I’m hoping that with this new beginning of the Spider-Man universe will restore the character to the one that I grew up with and love. Dan Slott has my faith and trust to do just so.

Feel free to contribute to the discusion by leaving a comment! I look forward to them! Hopefully next time I’ll have something to talk about other than Marvel 🙂





my thoughts on Sins Past

21 06 2010

Yes, this is that story. I read it recently read it and would like to share my thoughts about it. Here we go.

This is the story where two siblings named Sarah and Gabriel threaten Peter Parker and his family’s life. It is soon revealed that these two are Gwen Stacy’s kids. The father is then revealed to be non-other than Norman Osborn. So MJ tells Peter the story how Gwen and Norman… y’know and why Norman really wanted to kill her. You then find out that after Gwen gave birth to the kids in France, the kids stay in France and after Osborn “raises from the dead” he goes to Europe to train the kids to kill and hate Peter (who the kids believe is their father and that he killed Gwen and abandoned them). Here is my problems with that:

  1. Those who’ve read Marvel Comics in the past year or two know that Norman Osborn has been ruling the USA (not anymore, yay!). My problem is that Spider-Man wouldn’t sit on his ass with the Avengers eating Chinese food and standing around watching T.V. The Spider-man I know would’ve stormed into Norman’s “Avengers” Tower and beat the crap out of Osborn. I find it hard to believe that Spidey would let the man who slept with his girlfriend, got her pregnant, then murdered her, ruined Peter’s best friend Harry Osborn’s life numerous times, and raised Gwen’s kids to ruin Spidey’s life, would let him walk away with all the power that he had been given.
  2. The given reason why Gwen slept with Norman was that his presence “overwhelmed” her and that he felt lonely. Bullcrap. If that’s true that means that Gwen didn’t love Peter. I’m sorry. I know that’s harsh, but it’s the truth.
  3. The original pitch for the story was that Peter was the father (I would’ve been ok with that), but then Joe Quesada had to taint get his stink all over the story and have Norman be the story. I don’t know about you but having Norman being the father is a million times worse than Peter being the father.

 

Ok, that aside…. I actually kinda liked the story. The first half was great, but the last half was alright. The story held my interest. I finished Part 4 of the story, then looked at the clock and realized it was 1:30 AM. The Deodato artwork was nice to look at. Maybe that’s why I liked the story… because I’m a big fan of Mike Deodato (his Dark Avengers art was terrible, though). J. Michael Straczynski did a great job getting me to feel sorry for Spidey and Gwen’s kids. Towards the end of the story Sarah is shot and needs a blood transfer, so Spidey sacrifices some of his own blood to save her life. The end was kinda stupid and clichéd. Gabriel gets Green Goblin garb and tries to kill Spidey, but his glider explodes and he falls into the river and is carried to a beach where some people rescue him, but he doesn’t remember who he is. Will we ever see from him again? I doubt it.

Well that’s what I thought of it. I’m just going to ignore to that Gwen slept with Norman, so my love of Gwen’s character doesn’t get poo-poo’ed on. (I should make a list of characters that Quesada, Millar, and Bendis ruined my liking for).

Feel free to share your thoughts by leaving a comment! I look forward to them!